In our recent blog post, we look into the antediluvian legal proceedings of the Salem witch trials. As it turns out, Indiana still has some antiquated laws on the books as well. If not quite puritanical, these laws are certainly comical — and thankfully rarely enforced. The following are our ten favorites, but there were plenty to choose from. We hope these outdated laws bring a little humor to your day.

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

If you’re clean-shaven, though, go for it! Kiss those strangers on the street!

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

Please, no. We would like to put forward a bill that personal hygiene must be maintained year-round.

It is forbidden to eat watermelon at the park in Beech Grove.

We don’t care what you say — cantaloupe is just not the same. We’re throwing caution to the wind and bringing watermelon on our next picnic.

It is unlawful to catch a fish with a crossbow.

There are of course exceptions. One may use a crossbow to catch “Asian carp, bowfin, buffalo, common carp, gar, shad, and suckers from streams, rivers and non-flowing waters.” But nothing else! 

Drinks on the house are illegal.

This just seems like a law against having a good time.

A person may not enter a movie house, theater or public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.

We appreciate that this law has the greater good in mind, but four hours seems a little excessive. You can swim just thirty minutes after eating, and those stakes are much higher.

The value of Pi is legally 3.

Okay, this is not an actual law. The bill was proposed in 1897 and passed in the House but was indefinitely postponed in the Senate. So technically Pi is still 3.1415926535897932384626433… But we like that Indiana tried to protest math.

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their posts.

Personally, we think this one still applies.

It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off children’s ears in Elkhart.

Again, we would argue that this still applies.

It is illegal to force a monkey to smoke a cigarette.

We know what you’re thinking: “There go my weekend plans.” No worries. This law is specific to South Bend. Come force your monkey to smoke in Indianapolis. Please don’t make him use a vape though — that would just be embarrassing.

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